Why Fantasy Football is No Fantasy

A little more light-hearted today...

Fall means Fantasy Football (not just for me; for many people around the U.S.). I'd never really gotten into fantasy sports (even though I'd read the first fantasy sports book -- Rotisserie League Baseball -- which was published in the early 1980s). I'd always been a bigger fan of simulation sports games (like Strat-O-Matic); but that's another blog post.

Anyways,  I played in a fantasy baseball league on AOL a number of years ago; didn't care for it. And, a few years back a friend of mine asked me to play in his fantasy football league. I liked that more (it was only one game a week); but I still didn't care for the lack of control you have over the team.

As a side note, I'm also not a 'betting' man. I do love games (as anyone who knows me can attest to), but introducing money makes me significantly less interested.

A few years back, I started a league predominantly for my gaming group (which already does a decent amount of trash-talking). And, much like Daniel Okrent, who invented Rotisserie League Baseball, I've yet to win my league.

I've always been competitive, to be sure. Through the first three years, my overall record (including playoffs) was 32-15, but my play in the regular season has been stellar (29-12). By comparison, the second-best regular season record since the start of the league is 21-19-1 or 15-12, depending on which you consider better). Throughout the league, including my mediocre playoff record of 3-3, my "point differential" is 14.0, second-best is 9.1 (and of the 13 players in the league, only 6 have a positive differential).

My week typically progresses as follows. Tuesday morning, the extremely erroneous projections for the week's games come out on ESPN, which begins my week with false hope. Thursday morning, any waiver pickups are awarded to the teams that claimed players. Sunday, around 12-noon, I start checking every source of information I can find to ensure my players are healthy and playing.

By 2pm, I've normally used up every curse word I know. By 3pm, I've invented a few new ones. By 4pm-ish, when the first games are over, I'm reassessing my chances; trying to determine the feasibility of still puling out a win for the week. By 7:30pm, when the second games are over, I'm typically nauseous, as all my computations earlier are being shattered, and by Monday morning, with one game to go in the week, I've either sworn off the league, or I'm clinging to the smallest of hopes.

And yet, each week, I repeat the pattern; even as I've sworn to not care anymore.

Interestingly, I rarely actually WATCH the games; as that would be too stressful. Instead, I'll follow along on the live-scoreboard on my league's page. And, I've continued to resist any pleas from the group to bring a money aspect into the league -- I already see my blood pressure increase while playing for free; I'd probably just self-combust if money were involved.

And, as it nears 2pm, I realize I need to get myself primed for cursing mode. Luckily, I just checked, and I'm already trailing by 7 (and my opponent's running back has already rushed for 60 yards and 2 TDs in the first 20 minutes of the game, while my QB (playing in the same game) has thrown for an embarrassing 14 yards). The RB was projected for 17 points - he has 20 already; and my QB was projected for 19 and he has 0. Of course, the good folks at ESPN still have me projected to win by 22 points (primarily because, there's no way to re-configure the projections to account for their monumental mistakes in projections earlier (and, so, they continue to insist that their projections are legitimate -- and, *I'm* the one that can't find a job...)).

And, there's another point, and my deficit grows a little deeper. I can already tell it's gonna be one of those weeks.  Sonofa****************