The Importance of Being on the Same Page

This is gonna be one of those blog posts with multiple points.

It started as I was reading a book last week, Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi. I got it because I don't consider myself to be an outstanding networker; and it's fairly important to be a good networker, especially when you're looking for work.

So, I read through his book, and found it to be ... lacking. It's a fairly self-lauding affair, where he namedrops repeatedly (saying things like, "Martha Stewart once said (did I mention she's a friend?)..." )

And, ultimately, I didn't learn a whole lot in the first read-through (I typically read business-related books twice; once to get a feel; and once to take notes). He's a fairly ballsy guy, who made a few bold moves; but, ultimately, he was fortunate enough to have his schooling (two prep schools, Yale and Harvard for an MBA) *paid* for, by benefactors. Sorry, your credibility of being a hardworking schlep like the rest of us just took a nosedive.

There were some good points -- don't keep score, for example. If you're going to do nice things for others, don't do it with the expectation that it will be returned *by* that person. I've been doing that quite a bit, more recently.

But, what I found fascinating was his discussion on "pinging" - which he uses to describe the way he reaches out to members of his network (and how he does that).

For example, he has his level 1 contacts - they are "pinged" at least once a month, alternating email and phone. He has level 2 contacts - more casual acquaintances or people he already knows well; they get quarterly calls or emails, and they always get a holiday or birthday card. And he has level 3 contacts - those he doesn't know well; but he still speaks with them once a year. And, to make things more confusing, he doesn't differentiate between his "personal friends" and "professional contacts" - and he recommends others don't either.

He further discusses his mechanics, including - at times - when he calls, purposely, to NOT get through Iwhen you want to drop a line, but don't have time for an indepth conversation).

This (along with some recent conversations) got me thinking to the way I/we categorize friendships - even if it's we're not always cognizant that we're doing it. And, why even more importantly than in business, it's important both parties have to be on the same page.

For example, in my own life, I have several 'tiers' of people. There are dyed-in-the-wool friends; people I genuinely enjoy spending time with, and seek out. I have friends who are predominantly gaming friends -- I like them just as much; but our lives are such that gaming is what we do. I have friends that exist almost solely online - Facebook. And, through status updates, comments and chatting, I'm able to 'ping' them quite often. I have friends who exist online, and I have less interaction with them (for whatever reason). I have professional relationships with people who only, truly, know the professional side of me.

This isn't intended to be insulting; obviously -- we, as humans, only have limited time. It's impossible to develop BFF relationships with every person you come into contact with. And, although the practice sounds borderline sociopathic; it's really not. We all do this, subconsciously; I'm merely enunciating it.

I was thinking how important it is, even more so in your personal life, that people share the same perception. For example, if I think JimBob is a nice enough guy on Facebook, but I choose to typically post to his page when he's at work; and I don't open up my chat to him when he's on; and I basically reach out every so often to touch base, that's fine. It's also fine if JimBob feels the same way about me -- that 'works.'

But, what if JimBob wants more -- what if he thinks we should hang out and go to sports bars and watch Monday Night Football together. If the perception of the relationship is that skewed by the two participants, it can only end badly. And, if this relationship began (or still, exclusively is) one with professional origins; that's a whole new matter.

For the most part, I keep my professional life and personal life separate. Not always; but for the most part. And, I think I have the same perceptions of my relationships, thankfully.

Even still, those who know me know I love to categorize/list/evaluate; so, to circle back to the original point of the post (I did warn you!), I will almost certainly go through my ever-expanding list of contacts and set up something that is more structured than my current process (which is nothing more than 'when I think of it.") . And, I guess that's another thing I learned from the book -- that networking needs to KEEP happening; not just when you're job-seeking; but always, always, always. That will be a sea-change from my previous philosophy.