Trying to Get the Feeling Again

I have to admit, I'm a huge Christmas fan, usually. I definitely think Christmas is more fun with children, and -- unfortunately -- my wife and I don't have any (yet); but I've almost always made up for it by being, basically, a giant kid at heart.

There's always been something special (to me) about Christmas. Normally, I'm a fairly frantic person, constantly looking to be *doing* something; Christmas provides me with a sense of calm. I've sat in the dark staring at the blinking, flashing lights on my Christmas tree, just mesmerized by the patterns.

This year has been a little more difficult. While I've done an exceptional job of keeping my spirits high; focusing on the future; it's been very tough to get inspired for the holiday season (which is more about "now" than the future).

Most of my attempts to get into the spirit met with an unfortunate end -- I had planned to head into NYC to do some admiring of Christmas lights, etc.; but those plans were thwarted when the group we'd assembled had to cancel.

I also try each year to head out to look at decorated houses in the area; again, this year, that ended up not being possible (scheduling; my wife's job's crazy hours, etc.).

That brought us to Christmas Eve -- my wife's family always celebrated Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day (actually, they celebrated both, but the Eve had more of a significance to them). In the past years, we've hosted Christmas Eve, with varying number of guests, as we do a Feast of the Seven Fishes (modified to include more shellfish than fish (since that's more my preference)).

This year, for some reason, most people we asked, declined our invitation. Due to budget constraints, the Feast of the Seven Fishes became more of a Snack of the Three Fishes. By 9pm Christmas Eve, my wife and I were done eating -- it was too early to head to sleep; and too late to do anything overly festive and meaningful. So, we killed time. Ah well.

With Christmas Day still pending, I've just not been able to get into the typical Christmas spirit (and, let's be honest, after today, it's not really going to matter!). I know I'm not alone -- we're in a weird time now; people seem more stressed than ever before. Stress and Christmas do not make good partners (although, inevitably, they do seem to be linked).

With a little luck, and my continued positive outlook, I'm hoping this will be the last Christmas I experience like this one! I'm too much of a little kid at heart and I look too forward to the season to allow it to be diminished so much. I far prefer getting together with friends and family and celebrating our lives and the camaraderie -- this year, that just didn't happen as much as I usually prefer.

That being said, I'm still open to be amazed/wowed/surprised -- no pressure on the family!

Hope you all have a fantastic holiday!