The Art of Growing Up

Admittedly, this post was first written about 8 years ago; however, it still feels just as valid as it did back then. I re-ran the post a few years later when I was publishing an online magazine for my boardgaming group for several years.

The first time I wrote this post, I was in a tough spot in my life. I had been unemployed for about 15 months after 9/11. I had just completed my student teaching rotation, and simultaneously come to the realization that I didn’t want to be a teacher. And, although I didn’t know it, I was about to set onto an 11-month journey that would see me submit nearly 2000 resumes in less than a year before I would land at the company where I’d spend the next six years.

The post focuses on boardgaming, because that was my impetus. Interestingly, my life seemed much simpler then – I didn’t own a home, I wasn’t running a boardgaming group, I hadn’t won awards for my work.

But, I think, even if you’re not into boardgaming (and, admittedly, many aren’t), the sentiment still holds true. And, for some reason, every year – whether my life is going great or a little less-than-great – the Christmas/New Years holidays stir these emotions in me. Originally, I’d titled my post “Jaded” – when I’d first written it years ago. Today, I think it’s more accurate to simply call it “The Art of Growing Up.”

Here’s my original post:

I’m sitting here, going through old Abandon-Ware sites, finding vintage Commodore64 games that I can run on an emulator on the PC.

Had to run downstairs to get an old Avalon Hill catalog, because - growing up, there were SOOOO many games I wanted. Started looking through it...wow...have I grown up.

I can remember being 14...15, maybe...seeing “Pennant Race” - and “Baseball Strategy”...”Statis- Pro Football”...I remember getting ALL the games one Christmas, and just sitting there. I remember going through Street and Smiths and tearing out that amber-yellow page, which had the ad for Ultimate College Basketball...and spending what seemed like a FORTUNE at that time...

Now...hell...I have more games than I know what to do with. I have - damn...probably close to 300 different sports games...another 250-300 family and war and role-playing games. 150 PC games (with even more downloading...)

I’m ONLY 33...Was it REALLY 20 years ago that I was so wide-eyed at all that these games offered? Now, it’s like an addiction — I buy, trade, plan, plot - all types of projects, and yet, I no longer can just sit down and play ONE Title Bout fight...hell, I actually played a whole 82 game SEASON of Slapshot (and for those of you who know the game...ha ha...yes, it was a VERY silly project)...But now...wow...

So...as another year comes to an end, I find myself wondering/hoping that, at some point, I’ll regain that child-like enthusiasm; instead of these games hanging like some Sword of Damocles over my head, can I ever just, simply, remember how it felt the first time I got a new game? How I looked at EACH and EVERY player card, in detail? How fascinated I was by all the rules and dice and cards and charts?

Gosh...I sure hope so...

In the eight years since that post was written, my gaming collection has grown to nearly 1500.

Truth is that one Christmas, when I was quite young (13-14 years old), I DID receive every sports game I asked for – tons of them. I spent the entire Christmas day opening games and reading them and poring over them, much to the chagrin of my family (since I insisted on looking over every aspect of the game before even OPENING the next present).

Now, I buy a new game, and I barely have time to read it. It’s almost as though it’s simply tossed onto a giant pile, to be looked at ‘later.’

So it’s easy to see why I would long to have that emotion, that ‘thrill’ of new games that I experienced when I was younger.

There’s a lingering sense of incompleteness though, which is why I dedicate myself to ‘tracking’ things – making certain no stone is left unturned. I may have a wee bit of obsessive compulsiveness and therefore, the feeling of incompleteness is amplified in me.

But, I also realize that life is short. Certainly, it’s shorter for me now than it was eight years ago.

I don’t make New Years resolutions anymore, since they seem doomed to fail. Reading back over my post, I had planned to be well into a completely different stage of my life by now; and I’d expected to have pared down my collection (instead, it’s practically tripled).

Clearly, this past year has been trying – not only for me, but for many I know. But, I’ve tried to not lose sight the good things in my life. It’s pure folly to think, at any point, that I’ll reverse my entire outlook and suddenly, I’ll no longer have these feelings at the end of each year. But, I do think the acceptance of the fact that this is just a natural progression of life; and it’s important to know that, is incredibly useful to keeping one’s sanity through the good times and the difficult times.

I’m hoping everyone had a fantastically happy new year!