So - over Thanksgiving weekend, Best Buy was having a fantastic sale on Droid Razr Maxx phones ($0!) I didn't want to have to deal with lines, so I ordered the phone online.
My wife then decided that she, too, wanted the phone, and we were out, so I decided to stop in to one of the locations -- lo and behold; there was nearly no line! I decided to call Best Buy and cancel my order; and get it at the retail location, instead.
I called the online store, and they assured me that I could do just this. Worst case, they said, I could buy a second one and return the first one when I got it. They told me the order had "already shipped" - although, later, I learned that it wouldn't actually ship until the next day.
I next learned that, ultimately, a short line at Best Buy for Verizon Wireless, doesn't necessarily mean no wait. An hour later, we were seen. I explained the situation, and the person sent me to a manager, who decided to tell me that I had "clearly misunderstood."
His interpretation of the conversation was that the phone service had told me to wait until I received the phone in the mail; then return it, then purchase from the store.
I asked, 'so, you're suggesting that they recommended I return the Droid Razr Maxx that I receive from in the mail; take that phone that is already activated; and bring it back here, so I can buy the EXACT same phone and wait to have it activated again? That is what you're saying your CSR team said to me?"
And he said yes. I realized, at this point, that there was not going to be a phone in my future, so I told him to go away.
Humorously enough, when I did receive the phone (about a week later), I couldn't activate it (although, it was supposed to be delivered activated ...) When I called the Best Buy Mobile Specialist (to ask, simply, how to insert the SIM card), they told me they would call me back after THEY called Verizon! I explained I could just as easily call Verizon myself; and that I was going through them first, because I had purchased the phone from them. Eventually, I got it figured out; but it was through no help of Best Buy.
************************************************
My last note on Customer Service, for 2012 (I do have two more non-CS posts in the hopper) deals with a simple rule. If your customer takes the time to tell you something, it's probably important.
Case in point, I visit physical therapy a few times a week. I prefer my session to go a certain way -- stretch/loosen up (exercise bike); do all my exercises; have the physical therapist work on my knee and then ice. Sometimes, that's the order; other times, the PT comes and works on me in between my exercises (and then I have to resume).
So, the last visit, I made a point of saying how much I liked it when the session went the way I like it. She nodded and said, "okay, we'll see." Now, ultimately, if I'm taking the time to say something; it's probably important to me. I would've finished up, headed to my chart and written myself a note about this particular client's preferences. Instead, it's anyone's guess how my next session will go .......
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Cablevision Makes LIPA's Communication Look Exceptional
By popular demand – my “discussion” with Cablevision ……
When I got my electric back – about six days after it went
out – I was curious if my Cablevision would be working. According to everything
they’d said, it would still be functional.
Loaded everything up … and found that it wasn’t working. OK
… so, I immediately called them to get an ETA.
They took a cue from LIPA’s customer service ideals, and
basically had rendered any way to speak to a customer service rep null and
void. You only had options to deal with automated menus, or call back later.
So, I fired up my company’s iPad and hopped on the mobile network to chat with
them.
The first person said he had “no idea” when we’d be getting
cable back. He told me to check back later that evening. I checked back later,
and again, was told “no idea.” This
time, the individual told me he would have someone contact me.
I checked with my neighbors, who had switched to FIOS last
year; and they had their service. I called FIOS and inquired about their
service. They, not surprisingly, answered (which indicates their outages
weren’t nearly as severe). We spoke and I got an idea on cost and also, when
they could get there to install.
The next day, I again chatted with Cablevision; again, was
told, “no idea.” I explained that I had spoken with FIOS and now had an
appointment for them to do the install (this wasn’t entirely true). I explained
that it was now a race … if Cablevision could get there before FIOS, I’d stick
with Cablevision. If FIOS got there first, there’d be no rush for Cablevision,
because I wouldn’t have their service anymore. Again, I was told someone would
contact me.
Around 4:30 (still not having heard from anyone) I chatted
again, and bluffed hard. Told the specialist that I was ready to cancel, but
needed to know the steps to take. He gave me a phone number and assured me
someone would answer.
So, I contacted the disconnect department. Explained my
situation. The rep was decent (mostly) – explained it was my decision, blah,
blah, blah. Still no idea when I’d be getting connected again. But, then, she
made some critical mistakes.
First – there’s *no way* they could absolutely have no idea
…. They explained they were still “assessing the situation” – but, it had been
six days (and, unlike power lines, there’s no inherent danger in just ‘flipping
the switch’ on, to return service).
We then discussed the pace they were re-activating people. I
explained that, according to their website, earlier that day, a total of 1547
customers (on Long Island) HAD power and didn’t have cable service; now, it was down to 1512 … so they were
activating about 35 people a day … at that rate, it would take about a
month-and-a-half to get everyone back (and, worse yet, the percentage of people
in my area that had service had DROPPED from 73% to 65% that day … what the
hell were they doing?)
Her response was to explain why FIOS was still up (and had
fewer outages …). Basically, there’s a hierarchy when it comes to lines. LIPA
gets first crack at them; then Verizon (because, historically, they had been a
phone company), and finally Cablevision, because, historically, there were a TV
company. Even though Cablevision now has phone service, the hierarchy is
unchanged.
I asked, how on earth she thought that would be a compelling
reason for me to stay with Cablevision?
She told me about the higher cost of Verizon … something I
also disregarded (and, of course, said, “at least they HAVE service). Especially, when you consider many of my
friends have Fios and say it’s roughly the same price (yes, the ‘taxes’ are all
broken out; but, ultimately, taxes are just included with Cablevision … for
example, if I can buy a computer for
$300, or I can buy one for $200, but there’s another $50 tax on top of that;
I’m STILL going to buy the second one, right?
But, finally (and here’s the crux of the argument) she said,
“Of course Verizon is willing to work with you. You’re new
money to them.”
Wow. Sure, that’s true and I totally get the idea of seizing
market share. But, isn’t *every* customer, in today’s economy, “new money?”
Shouldn’t they be?
When there are options and choices for consumers, why would
any company not view even existing customers as ‘new money?’ This isn’t
something like a mortgage, where the consumer really has no choice (once
they’re secured), or even LIPA. This is something where *every month* a
consumer has to make a conscious choice to stay with your service.
I definitely prefer things like loyalty rewards … if you
want to retain your customer base, it’s best to not ignore them and focus on
new business. Retention is just as important. So, if you want to add an
incentive to your new customers; so be it (there has to be a reason for them to
“switch” in the first place, right?), but even after they’re customers, figure
out ways to reward their loyalty. Make them feel as though, by switching,
they’ll be missing out on something.
I left the conversation, repeating the same ‘challenge’ to
the rep. About 30 minutes later, my service returned. Although it feels good to
say it was a result of my conversation, I’m far more likely to believe it was
nothing more than coincidence.
A few other mostly unrelated tidbits:
LIPA – a lot has been made about LIPA’s poor communication. My power returned on Saturday,
11/3, but, for some reason, the following Thursday, I got a call from LIPA,
advising me that my “outage” (which was non-existent) was ‘more severe than
they’d originally though, and needed specialized manpower and equipment’ but I
should have my service restored by Friday at noon. Then, Friday afternoon, I
received the same message, apologizing for them not meeting their deadline, but
committing to a Saturday deadline instead.
I had power the entire time. This is remarkably concerning.
No WONDER it took so long; they were too busy restoring power to people who
still had power!
Last week, I also visited another diner on Long Island (not the same one I ranted about the first post) -- probably
my favorite ... the O-Co-Nee Diner. The place is a virtual Party City store …
every holiday there are more decorations in the diner than anywhere else. But,
the food is also exceptional. The owner had been the force behind the Seaford
Palace (a fairly famous diner on Long Island) – which used to have a 90-minute
wait on weekends for a table. For a diner.
On Foursquare, the dissenters will argue the service isn’t
great. Previously, I’d never noticed one way or the other. Last week, though,
we had an exceptional server. She was thorough, quick and friendly. While my
sister was discussing which soup to get with her husband, she mistook what he’d
ordered and she got the same type. When the soup came out, she expressed her
regret, and said, “oh, I didn’t realize you got the same one; I would’ve gotten
the lentil soup.” The server heard this and told her, “I’m happy to take it
back and get you what you want.” There was no reason to do this; no one
expected it; but – this was exceptional.
Halfway through the meal, the owner’s son came by and
dropped four super-large chocolate chip cookies on the table for us. Gratis.
We’ve been to O-Co-Nee before. At one point, we were going
fairly frequently. It’s definitely back in my rotation now. The sheer attention
to what makes a visit meaningful is what separates this
diner from the others.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
What to do ... what to do ....
Hello again.
So, it's been a while since I've posted anything. 2012 has not been a great-fun year ... you can read back over my posts if you're not familiar with the circumstances (in short: my mom's passing, two surgeries, and a few other inconveniences that comprised my crap cake).
This blog originally started as a way for me to continue to keep up with writing, while I was unemployed. In fact, two years ago -- November 2010 -- I participated in NaBloWriMo (National Blog Writing Month), where each day I posted one story. At the time, since I wasn't working, this was my primary outlet for writing, and I used it pretty frequently.
When I started working again in 2011, my posting frequency dropped off ... why would someone who writes for a living (effectively) want to write in his spare time?
So, a few weeks ago, I had to wonder ... what is the purpose of this blog? For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, you know that I'm not someone who posts random stuff there, necessarily ... my posts tend to be (1) informative, because Facebook is the quickest, easiest way to engage my friends in social media (as compared to emailing all of them separately, and having their responses in isolation); and (2) funny. Why should this blog be any different?
There are a few things I'm passionate about in life. One (which does make for good blog fodder) is customer service. I am continually amazed ... amazed ... by what passes for that these days. I've never been involved in customer service, directly, as a profession (although, I've been involved in training on it); but I also knew it wasn't my calling. I'm a firm believer that in today's commerce world, with online stores hammering away at price, the ONLY differentiating factor a company can offer is exceptional service. Too few get that.
In the past few weeks, before the hurricane, I had the opportunity to visit two 'restaurants' - 34 New (in Huntington, during Huntington Restaurant Week) and California Diner (in Patchogue). Both had remarkably poor service -- in the first case, they readily admitted they weren't prepared for large crowds due to Restaurant Week (mind you, the restaurant was *about* half-full ... I wouldn't rush there; if they aren't prepared to be half-full, I doubt they'll be successful). In the latter's case, *everything* was a surcharge ... you want a bread basket? $3 ... you want a refill of your unsweetened iced tea? full price.
So, initially, I was going to blog about the service there. But, then the hurricane hit. Between LIPA and Cablevision, new achievements were reached in poor service.
LIPA started by calling my cell phone the day after the hurricane and informing me (through automated message) that I would have my service back by noon that day. I was amazingly impressed -- this was a punishing storm, and there were nearly a million people out of service; what had I done to warrant such care? Ultimately, that wasn't true ... and when I called to inquire, they had no knowledge the call had gone out (one operator told me I had been mistaken). By Thursday of last week, the outage map was completely useless, except for the phone numbers at the top -- calling the 800 number took you to an automated center; but calling the local number provided you with the option to speak to a live person! So, I would call and politely (really!) inquire about an ETA (since the outage map didn't provide those; all ETAs were "being evaluated").
And, on Thursday, they rerouted the local number to the 800 number, so you no longer had the option of speaking to a live person ... awesome, LIPA! This is clearly the new, more transparent communication you were promising, yes?
*****************************
I don't know how much I'll be blogging still ... As I said, it's tough for writers to want to write in their spare time. But, I do think blogs need a focus; a purpose. And, hopefully, this can be this blog's purpose. It won't be a mish-mosh of topics, as it has been in the past.
With that, I just got notice of a delayed opening for my job today; so that provides me with an unexpected additional two hours where I can sit in a gas line! Joy of joys!
So, it's been a while since I've posted anything. 2012 has not been a great-fun year ... you can read back over my posts if you're not familiar with the circumstances (in short: my mom's passing, two surgeries, and a few other inconveniences that comprised my crap cake).
This blog originally started as a way for me to continue to keep up with writing, while I was unemployed. In fact, two years ago -- November 2010 -- I participated in NaBloWriMo (National Blog Writing Month), where each day I posted one story. At the time, since I wasn't working, this was my primary outlet for writing, and I used it pretty frequently.
When I started working again in 2011, my posting frequency dropped off ... why would someone who writes for a living (effectively) want to write in his spare time?
So, a few weeks ago, I had to wonder ... what is the purpose of this blog? For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, you know that I'm not someone who posts random stuff there, necessarily ... my posts tend to be (1) informative, because Facebook is the quickest, easiest way to engage my friends in social media (as compared to emailing all of them separately, and having their responses in isolation); and (2) funny. Why should this blog be any different?
There are a few things I'm passionate about in life. One (which does make for good blog fodder) is customer service. I am continually amazed ... amazed ... by what passes for that these days. I've never been involved in customer service, directly, as a profession (although, I've been involved in training on it); but I also knew it wasn't my calling. I'm a firm believer that in today's commerce world, with online stores hammering away at price, the ONLY differentiating factor a company can offer is exceptional service. Too few get that.
In the past few weeks, before the hurricane, I had the opportunity to visit two 'restaurants' - 34 New (in Huntington, during Huntington Restaurant Week) and California Diner (in Patchogue). Both had remarkably poor service -- in the first case, they readily admitted they weren't prepared for large crowds due to Restaurant Week (mind you, the restaurant was *about* half-full ... I wouldn't rush there; if they aren't prepared to be half-full, I doubt they'll be successful). In the latter's case, *everything* was a surcharge ... you want a bread basket? $3 ... you want a refill of your unsweetened iced tea? full price.
So, initially, I was going to blog about the service there. But, then the hurricane hit. Between LIPA and Cablevision, new achievements were reached in poor service.
LIPA started by calling my cell phone the day after the hurricane and informing me (through automated message) that I would have my service back by noon that day. I was amazingly impressed -- this was a punishing storm, and there were nearly a million people out of service; what had I done to warrant such care? Ultimately, that wasn't true ... and when I called to inquire, they had no knowledge the call had gone out (one operator told me I had been mistaken). By Thursday of last week, the outage map was completely useless, except for the phone numbers at the top -- calling the 800 number took you to an automated center; but calling the local number provided you with the option to speak to a live person! So, I would call and politely (really!) inquire about an ETA (since the outage map didn't provide those; all ETAs were "being evaluated").
And, on Thursday, they rerouted the local number to the 800 number, so you no longer had the option of speaking to a live person ... awesome, LIPA! This is clearly the new, more transparent communication you were promising, yes?
*****************************
I don't know how much I'll be blogging still ... As I said, it's tough for writers to want to write in their spare time. But, I do think blogs need a focus; a purpose. And, hopefully, this can be this blog's purpose. It won't be a mish-mosh of topics, as it has been in the past.
With that, I just got notice of a delayed opening for my job today; so that provides me with an unexpected additional two hours where I can sit in a gas line! Joy of joys!
Friday, August 17, 2012
62 Days ....
My heart has joined
the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today. – Watership Down
It’s been about two months since my mom passed away. I can
honestly say, not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about her.
I know I haven’t dealt with the matter yet. I’ve done a
positively fantastic job of suppressing my emotions and just pushing through my
days; but I’m always aware of a weight; something not quite painful, but
extremely noticeable, that seems to plague me.
The old mantra is true – you really don’t know what you have
until it’s gone. And, in my case, I’m sure it’s amplified by the birth of my
son. It pains me that he’ll never get to know her. It pains me that she never
really got to see him smile or launch into one of his uber-contagious laughing
fits; which has really only started in the past few months.
As a child, I was a big fan of “Choose Your Own Adventure” books – the books where you could make a choice and see the
result (a great learning tool). Unfortunately, it tricks you into thinking that
the whole world qualifies for a do-over; and nothing is further from the truth.
I don’t mean to be such a downer; and I certainly don’t plan
on having every blog post be nearly as depressing. I suppose it *has* gotten
easier, in that time has passed; but, unlike the days immediately following,
where there was pressure to complete activities required for the wakes and
funeral; all that’s left now is memory … and something that isn’t quite regret.
I know my thoughts are selfish. I recognize that her road to
recovery was certain to be difficult, if not impossible; and certainly painful.
And, from a merciful standpoint, her immediate and sudden passing was almost
certainly for the best. But, I’m also quite aware of the strong and powerful
love she had for her family; and her grandchildren, even more specifically.
And, I’m positive she would have willingly endured the struggle for each
additional day she could have spent with them. It’s hard to reconcile what was “best”
for her with what we think she would have wanted.
I know I need to deal with this … someone told me they were
surprised that after the events of the past few years (unemployment, failed
adoption, numerous life-threatening situations with my wife, my mom’s passing,
my grandmother’s passing) that I didn’t have some form of PTSD. I suppose that’s
realistic.
Part of my difficulty, of course (and where I differ from my
wife, for example) is her spirituality. I like to consider myself spiritual;
but I’m also driven by logic. When you see, for example, the sprawling …
universe (or whatever that would be called) with millions and billions of stars
and solar systems … you get a feeling for how tiny and insignificant you are.
But, I can honestly say, I pray that she has found the peace
she craved, and that she still feels connected with her family (and that she’s
part of our lives – so, even today, while my youngest sister is in labor, my
mom isn’t “missing” it). In many ways, the closing lines of the book I quoted
above (Watership Down) most
effectively sum up my hopes – still incredibly sad; but positive, given the circumstances.
Black Rabbit:
Hazel... Hazel... you know me, don't you?
Hazel: Yes, my
lord. I know you.
Black Rabbit:
I've come to ask if you'd like to join my Owsla. We shall be glad to have you,
and I know you'd like it. You've been feeling tired, haven't you? If you're
ready, we might go along now.
[Hazel looks at all the younger rabbits of Watership Down]
Black Rabbit: You
needn't worry about them. They'll be all right, and thousands like them. If you
come along now, I'll show you what I mean.”
He reached the top of the bank in a single, powerful leap.
Hazel followed; and together they slipped away, running easily down through the
wood, where the first primroses were beginning to bloom.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Musical Transformation
Admittedly, I haven't felt much like blogging for a while -- plus, I wanted my last post (about my mom's passing) to stand on its own. I really haven't had many ideas, recently; so I figured I'd take a cue from one of my friends' blogs, and just mail this one in....
I wrote about Charity Vance last year -- she was one of the contestants on American Idol the year I watched the show. Interestingly, my son *adores* her (even at 10 months old) -- her song "Run Away With Me" (which is the video embedded into the post I made) enthralls him every time he hears the opening piano notes.
I began searching for other blonde singers that had melodic tunes, and came across Nina Gordon ... who? you may ask... Well, as a solo artist, she released a song in 2000, called "Tonight and the Rest of My Life" -- a perfect sound for my son:
A really nice song, with slow, melodic sounds. He definitely likes it (not as much as he likes Charity, though). But, her name (and her look) sounded really familiar to me. Did a little more digging in my mind's memories, and realized -- hmmm .... only two years before THIS song, she was putting out stuff like this:
Wow - that's some transformation; in just two years. I mean, Phil Collins (and Peter Gabriel) left Genesis; but the music they put out wasn't *that* dramatically different.
Fortunately (I guess) for her die-hard fans, she released what I call "middle-ground" music just a few years later ... a cover of N.W.A.'s "Straight Outta Compton" - but with the same type of music as "Tonight and the Rest of My Life":
So, what musical artists do YOU think have gone through an equally dramatic metamorphosis? Anyone? Anyone even come close to comparing to the radical changes made by Ms. Gordon?
I wrote about Charity Vance last year -- she was one of the contestants on American Idol the year I watched the show. Interestingly, my son *adores* her (even at 10 months old) -- her song "Run Away With Me" (which is the video embedded into the post I made) enthralls him every time he hears the opening piano notes.
I began searching for other blonde singers that had melodic tunes, and came across Nina Gordon ... who? you may ask... Well, as a solo artist, she released a song in 2000, called "Tonight and the Rest of My Life" -- a perfect sound for my son:
A really nice song, with slow, melodic sounds. He definitely likes it (not as much as he likes Charity, though). But, her name (and her look) sounded really familiar to me. Did a little more digging in my mind's memories, and realized -- hmmm .... only two years before THIS song, she was putting out stuff like this:
Wow - that's some transformation; in just two years. I mean, Phil Collins (and Peter Gabriel) left Genesis; but the music they put out wasn't *that* dramatically different.
Fortunately (I guess) for her die-hard fans, she released what I call "middle-ground" music just a few years later ... a cover of N.W.A.'s "Straight Outta Compton" - but with the same type of music as "Tonight and the Rest of My Life":
So, what musical artists do YOU think have gone through an equally dramatic metamorphosis? Anyone? Anyone even come close to comparing to the radical changes made by Ms. Gordon?
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Mom
My mom passed away a week ago.
It's still surreal to write that. I feel like I'm talking about someone else, when I read it. My mom was never supposed to pass away. We'd had a good, symbiotic relationship. She would call me every so often and complain that I didn't call her enough; and I would explain to her that we had the rest of our lives – there was no urgency.
I guess that was wrong.
The past week has been a complete blur. My mom had gone to the emergency room last Friday, although the situation was far from dire. True, she suffered from pulmonary hypertension, emphysema and COPD (the latter two, almost certainly linked back to years of smoking); but the past few weeks, she'd gotten progressively (and rapidly) worse. She went to the ER, primarily to get acute care; but even during the day, I was texting my wife (who works in the hospital) to see if it was necessary for me to come there – no one thought it was. She needed oxygen and rest (and what better place than a hospital).
My wife and I actually attended a party that evening. And we arrived home around midnight. My wife called the ER, and found that they were moving my mom – not to ICU (as we'd suspected), but to a lower unit. Good news all around.
An hour later, my sister called with the news. She'd simply passed away. And, even now, there's no rhyme or reason. Every doctor was shocked. Yes, she was sick (and, almost certainly, she had a long road ahead of her – the cat scan had showed other issues that hadn't been seen before). But, still, the suddenness was shocking. I'm still in shock.
From that hour (1am on Saturday morning) until now, I've run through a gamut of emotions. I don't really even know what day it is. Plans and arrangements had to be made. People needed to be notified. In just a few days, my life was turned upside down and violently shaken like a toddler with a snow globe. The days were a combination of exhaustion and distractions. I slept for hours (because, at least when I was asleep, I didn't have to be thinking).
And, suddenly, the distractions were gone. All that's left is the mourning and emptiness. And one word: "Never" - which is now completely synonymous with my mom. I'll never see her again. I'll never speak with her again. I'll never laugh with her again. I'll never be annoyed with her again.
I'm still raw. I sit for hours with my laptop and I do nothing. I accomplish nothing. For those who know me; well, that's really not me.
I put on a good show this week. I smiled and laughed with people, but the word "Never" hadn't sunk in yet. I know the next few days ... weeks ... months ... years ... will be changed forever now.
Interestingly, my recent transformation into a father had been instrumental in changing my relationship with my mom. As an example, for years, my mom (and the rest of my family) would go to an Easter play ... she'd ask my wife and I, and we always declined ... wasn't our thing. This year, I thought how much it would mean to me if my son would willingly do things with me that I wanted to do, just because I asked him; and that changed my perception. So we went. I'm very happy we did (not because the show was great; just because it really was the right thing to do).
I still believe that I need to be strong for others. During the wake and funeral, it was others' emotions that most moved me. Seeing my family hurting caused me to feel even worse. In fact, for most of the week, I was upset that I wasn't more upset. It was my family's emotions that caused me to feel sorrow.
And, then last night, for no reason, I broke into a crying fit. I told my wife I wanted to videotape interviews with all our relatives. I wanted to get video of my mom so my son will be able to build memories of her. And, I told her I wanted to make sure my son was a better son than I was. And that was it. Cue the waterworks. Exit stage left.
Obviously, the wake and funeral was a blur of emotions. My current friends, oldest friends, ex-friends, current co-workers; previous bosses – even my ex-wife showed up to pay respects ... it certainly continued the surreal feeling of the week.
And, on the last night, I gave a speech; a tribute to my mom. It wasn't nearly as emotional as I feel now (I had days to write it, rewrite it and edit it). And, I thought I wanted it to sound as though it came from the elder statesman of the family. If I could do it over, I probably would change some things; but, I wanted to include it here.
I know this will get easier. And, it will get harder. There will be small things that will trigger great outbursts; and years from now, when I'm "introducing" my son to my mom, there will be a cavalcade of emotions all over again. My own regrets will fuel my efforts to show my son how amazing his grandmother truly was. Her beliefs: love your family, advocate for the less fortunate, be frugal; will be passed on to him.
One of my mom's favorite activities was going to garage sales. She'd head out on a Saturday with my sisters and their families and they would hit 20 garage sales. She loved a great deal (even though, there was a better-than-average chance that her purchases would be given to her children as gifts and – eventually – would be sold, again, at her OWN garage sale later on).
In her memory, my wife and I went to three garage sales today. I bought a copy of "Four Christmases." Her favorite holiday (and mine, by far) was Christmas. I hope she smiled.
It's still surreal to write that. I feel like I'm talking about someone else, when I read it. My mom was never supposed to pass away. We'd had a good, symbiotic relationship. She would call me every so often and complain that I didn't call her enough; and I would explain to her that we had the rest of our lives – there was no urgency.
I guess that was wrong.
The past week has been a complete blur. My mom had gone to the emergency room last Friday, although the situation was far from dire. True, she suffered from pulmonary hypertension, emphysema and COPD (the latter two, almost certainly linked back to years of smoking); but the past few weeks, she'd gotten progressively (and rapidly) worse. She went to the ER, primarily to get acute care; but even during the day, I was texting my wife (who works in the hospital) to see if it was necessary for me to come there – no one thought it was. She needed oxygen and rest (and what better place than a hospital).
My wife and I actually attended a party that evening. And we arrived home around midnight. My wife called the ER, and found that they were moving my mom – not to ICU (as we'd suspected), but to a lower unit. Good news all around.
An hour later, my sister called with the news. She'd simply passed away. And, even now, there's no rhyme or reason. Every doctor was shocked. Yes, she was sick (and, almost certainly, she had a long road ahead of her – the cat scan had showed other issues that hadn't been seen before). But, still, the suddenness was shocking. I'm still in shock.
From that hour (1am on Saturday morning) until now, I've run through a gamut of emotions. I don't really even know what day it is. Plans and arrangements had to be made. People needed to be notified. In just a few days, my life was turned upside down and violently shaken like a toddler with a snow globe. The days were a combination of exhaustion and distractions. I slept for hours (because, at least when I was asleep, I didn't have to be thinking).
And, suddenly, the distractions were gone. All that's left is the mourning and emptiness. And one word: "Never" - which is now completely synonymous with my mom. I'll never see her again. I'll never speak with her again. I'll never laugh with her again. I'll never be annoyed with her again.
I'm still raw. I sit for hours with my laptop and I do nothing. I accomplish nothing. For those who know me; well, that's really not me.
I put on a good show this week. I smiled and laughed with people, but the word "Never" hadn't sunk in yet. I know the next few days ... weeks ... months ... years ... will be changed forever now.
Interestingly, my recent transformation into a father had been instrumental in changing my relationship with my mom. As an example, for years, my mom (and the rest of my family) would go to an Easter play ... she'd ask my wife and I, and we always declined ... wasn't our thing. This year, I thought how much it would mean to me if my son would willingly do things with me that I wanted to do, just because I asked him; and that changed my perception. So we went. I'm very happy we did (not because the show was great; just because it really was the right thing to do).
I still believe that I need to be strong for others. During the wake and funeral, it was others' emotions that most moved me. Seeing my family hurting caused me to feel even worse. In fact, for most of the week, I was upset that I wasn't more upset. It was my family's emotions that caused me to feel sorrow.
And, then last night, for no reason, I broke into a crying fit. I told my wife I wanted to videotape interviews with all our relatives. I wanted to get video of my mom so my son will be able to build memories of her. And, I told her I wanted to make sure my son was a better son than I was. And that was it. Cue the waterworks. Exit stage left.
Obviously, the wake and funeral was a blur of emotions. My current friends, oldest friends, ex-friends, current co-workers; previous bosses – even my ex-wife showed up to pay respects ... it certainly continued the surreal feeling of the week.
And, on the last night, I gave a speech; a tribute to my mom. It wasn't nearly as emotional as I feel now (I had days to write it, rewrite it and edit it). And, I thought I wanted it to sound as though it came from the elder statesman of the family. If I could do it over, I probably would change some things; but, I wanted to include it here.
On behalf of my entire family – my father, my sisters and their families, my aunts and my cousins, I want to thank you all for coming to pay your respects and provide support during this exceptionally difficult time.
When we were writing out the information for my mom’s obituary, the funeral director asked what her profession was. And, I answered, “mother.” She certainly had jobs – as a realtor and working for the county, later in life; but I think she would’ve liked to think her career (and what she’d be most remembered for) was as a mother.
She was a strong, passionate woman, who sought out causes to be an advocate. For many of us, the clearest example is when she formed PEGAT (the Parents and Educators for the Gifted and Talented organization), which almost certainly is her shining accomplishment. She founded the group because she felt the school district was ill-prepared to embark on this new initiative, and she wanted to ensure the parents (and teachers) were on the same page. For nine consecutive years, she led the organization, as it became – arguably – the largest and most involved PTA in the district and, almost certainly, the most progressive gifted and talented advocacy group on Long Island.
And, when I graduated from the district, she stepped down as president. It was never about the prestige or the power, for her; it was always about her children. Once her children were no longer involved in the program, her involvement was no longer necessary.
I remember asking her, years later, if it bothered her that while the organization continued, there was no homage paid to her for her hard work and the guiding principles she established, and – not surprisingly, she said no. It was never about that for her; it only was about ensuring her children benefited from the program, and whatever she could do to facilitate that was her only objective.
When her children grew, her energies led her in new directions. She was a woman who sought out purpose in life and causes to support. She became the primary caregiver for my grandmother, until she needed to be placed in an adult home. And when that happened, she formed and ran a patient advocacy program at the Good Samaritan Nursing Home in Sayville. Eventually she was a board member and volunteer with the Sayville Cabinet for the Sick and she volunteered with the Sayville Food Pantry as well.
And, sadly, in the past few years, none of us, including her, recognized that the cause she should most have been championing, was herself.
But, she would say all of these accomplishments were ancillary; because, as I said before, her top goal was to provide for her children and ensure their happiness. When we were young, she volunteered as a cub scout and girl scout leader, and she never tired of coming up with ways to make our childhood a happier time.
I can still recall being quite young and being fascinated with dinosaurs. She set up a birthday party where my friends were blindfolded and led through a museum of dinosaur artifacts she had created … there were peeled grapes, which were the dinosaurs’ eyes; and cooked spaghetti which was the dinosaurs’ veins. This was just one example of the type of mom she was. All she needed was an inkling of her children’s interests, and she was off and running with creative, engaging ideas.
She always wanted to be the house where people met. She took pride in being the destination, not only for family; but for friends. No doubt, the number of people who felt the touch of her hospitality and her generosity is almost uncountable.
Interestingly, through social networking, over the past few years, I’ve been fortunate to reconnect with countless friends and relatives from my youth, and each time I’ve connected, they shared their extremely fond memories of my mom (when I connected with one of my cousins; the first thing she remembered was how she would come to our house after school and eat frozen ding-dongs, which was the afterschool snack my mom would serve). Obviously, since her passing, those stories have just multiplied exponentially. It’s extremely comforting and I really think she’d be contented to know that her legacy and memories were so rich and warm.
I don’t want this to be entirely sad. And, more importantly, she wouldn’t want that either. I sat my eight-month old son down yesterday and explained to him, “It’s a good thing you don’t understand pressure; because there’s a lot of it on you now. The next three days, you have but one job – your job is to make people smile.” And he looked at me, and moved his bowels; which I assumed meant he understood (since that’s normally the way I acknowledge people).
One of the things people loved about my mom was her sense of humor. And, she was comfortable with – maybe she even preferred -- self-deprecating humor.
For example, even as technology evolved, she continued to use her antiquated devices; even through her family purchased newer items for her. At Christmas, one of her grandchildren might be doing something cute, and we’d all grab our smartphones to start shooting video; while she’d be struggling to load a VHS tape into the 1987 camcorder she had. For years, even after getting a cellphone, she refused to get rid of her beeper; which may have kept that industry alive for another 2-3 years.
One of my favorite stories of all time took place when we were doing my college visits. She wanted to be worldly and knowledgeable. We were looking at the campus map for New Paltz, and she said – very seriously – “oh, I don’t know if I want you to go here.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Oh, it sounds like there’s a lot of accidents and injuries here.”
“Really?” I said
“Oh yes,” she said. “There’s this whole area in the upper part of the map called the Tripping Fields.”
As her children shifted into adulthood, the relationships changed, obviously. I’m especially happy that we all – as a family – went to Disney World in 2009. My mom had always wanted to go; and it was a joy to go and experience it with her, with us all as adults. The trip certainly had its bumps (one of us (who shall remain nameless) might have had a slight meltdown in the parking lot on the last day, when the limo company showed up with a vehicle that was too small to transport us) – but, as I look back on the vacation, my memories are only happy; and I’m sure they’ll continue to get even better.
Obviously, the past few days have been a mixture of emotions – anger, guilt, depression, sadness and even some moments of humor. I think each member of my family has felt every raw emotion at some point. I think I’ve struggled, quite a bit, with what to make of this event. The sheer unfairness of her passing has – at times – consumed me; especially since I’m someone who always likes things to make sense. And, for the most part, this simply doesn’t.
Nothing any of us can do can change what has happened; we can only change our future and attempt, in some way, to make changes that honor her memory and her values. For her family and friends, who knew her, it’s important to find ways to ensure her passing was not in vain.
For me, I have no doubt that my family will become closer through these events. We already have.
I will no longer think, “oh, there’s enough time…” It was sobering and saddening to see that we had only ONE photograph of my mom and my son. There was always tomorrow. That can’t be my philosophy anymore.
I have no doubt that her virtues and life lessons prepared me to be a stronger father than I’d ever have been otherwise, even if I didn’t know it at the time.
My goal, each day, is to ensure my son smiles. And each time he does that, I feel confident that I’ve done right by her, and I know somewhere above, she’s approving of kind of father I’m becoming. And, she would certainly say, more than anything else I do in life; never lose sight of the fact that being a father is – absolutely – the most important job I’ll ever hold.
Rest in peace, Mom. You’ve earned it, for all you’ve done for everyone.
At the risk of making this sound like I’m accepting an award (which my wife cautioned me about), I did want to mention a few other things.
I do want to thank my sister Debbie, who completely stepped up and handled the lion’s share of the responsibilities leading up to today – from selecting pictures to making dinner for the entire family each night. I know, as I’ve reflected on things these past few days, that my mom held a special role in this family; one with shoes that are almost certainly too large for anyone to step into. But, if one person has the capacity to do so, it would be Debbie.
And, I do have to thank my wife, who has done even more than her usual 90 percent of the work these past few weeks, to make sure that I can stand here and actually look composed and in control, when nothing could be further from the truth.
Once again, I would like to extend my thanks and deepest appreciation for all who have come this evening. Your support has truly been overwhelming.
At this time, I’d like to invite anyone else who would like to speak and share a memory or story to do so.
When we were writing out the information for my mom’s obituary, the funeral director asked what her profession was. And, I answered, “mother.” She certainly had jobs – as a realtor and working for the county, later in life; but I think she would’ve liked to think her career (and what she’d be most remembered for) was as a mother.
She was a strong, passionate woman, who sought out causes to be an advocate. For many of us, the clearest example is when she formed PEGAT (the Parents and Educators for the Gifted and Talented organization), which almost certainly is her shining accomplishment. She founded the group because she felt the school district was ill-prepared to embark on this new initiative, and she wanted to ensure the parents (and teachers) were on the same page. For nine consecutive years, she led the organization, as it became – arguably – the largest and most involved PTA in the district and, almost certainly, the most progressive gifted and talented advocacy group on Long Island.
And, when I graduated from the district, she stepped down as president. It was never about the prestige or the power, for her; it was always about her children. Once her children were no longer involved in the program, her involvement was no longer necessary.
I remember asking her, years later, if it bothered her that while the organization continued, there was no homage paid to her for her hard work and the guiding principles she established, and – not surprisingly, she said no. It was never about that for her; it only was about ensuring her children benefited from the program, and whatever she could do to facilitate that was her only objective.
When her children grew, her energies led her in new directions. She was a woman who sought out purpose in life and causes to support. She became the primary caregiver for my grandmother, until she needed to be placed in an adult home. And when that happened, she formed and ran a patient advocacy program at the Good Samaritan Nursing Home in Sayville. Eventually she was a board member and volunteer with the Sayville Cabinet for the Sick and she volunteered with the Sayville Food Pantry as well.
And, sadly, in the past few years, none of us, including her, recognized that the cause she should most have been championing, was herself.
But, she would say all of these accomplishments were ancillary; because, as I said before, her top goal was to provide for her children and ensure their happiness. When we were young, she volunteered as a cub scout and girl scout leader, and she never tired of coming up with ways to make our childhood a happier time.
I can still recall being quite young and being fascinated with dinosaurs. She set up a birthday party where my friends were blindfolded and led through a museum of dinosaur artifacts she had created … there were peeled grapes, which were the dinosaurs’ eyes; and cooked spaghetti which was the dinosaurs’ veins. This was just one example of the type of mom she was. All she needed was an inkling of her children’s interests, and she was off and running with creative, engaging ideas.
She always wanted to be the house where people met. She took pride in being the destination, not only for family; but for friends. No doubt, the number of people who felt the touch of her hospitality and her generosity is almost uncountable.
Interestingly, through social networking, over the past few years, I’ve been fortunate to reconnect with countless friends and relatives from my youth, and each time I’ve connected, they shared their extremely fond memories of my mom (when I connected with one of my cousins; the first thing she remembered was how she would come to our house after school and eat frozen ding-dongs, which was the afterschool snack my mom would serve). Obviously, since her passing, those stories have just multiplied exponentially. It’s extremely comforting and I really think she’d be contented to know that her legacy and memories were so rich and warm.
I don’t want this to be entirely sad. And, more importantly, she wouldn’t want that either. I sat my eight-month old son down yesterday and explained to him, “It’s a good thing you don’t understand pressure; because there’s a lot of it on you now. The next three days, you have but one job – your job is to make people smile.” And he looked at me, and moved his bowels; which I assumed meant he understood (since that’s normally the way I acknowledge people).
One of the things people loved about my mom was her sense of humor. And, she was comfortable with – maybe she even preferred -- self-deprecating humor.
For example, even as technology evolved, she continued to use her antiquated devices; even through her family purchased newer items for her. At Christmas, one of her grandchildren might be doing something cute, and we’d all grab our smartphones to start shooting video; while she’d be struggling to load a VHS tape into the 1987 camcorder she had. For years, even after getting a cellphone, she refused to get rid of her beeper; which may have kept that industry alive for another 2-3 years.
One of my favorite stories of all time took place when we were doing my college visits. She wanted to be worldly and knowledgeable. We were looking at the campus map for New Paltz, and she said – very seriously – “oh, I don’t know if I want you to go here.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Oh, it sounds like there’s a lot of accidents and injuries here.”
“Really?” I said
“Oh yes,” she said. “There’s this whole area in the upper part of the map called the Tripping Fields.”
As her children shifted into adulthood, the relationships changed, obviously. I’m especially happy that we all – as a family – went to Disney World in 2009. My mom had always wanted to go; and it was a joy to go and experience it with her, with us all as adults. The trip certainly had its bumps (one of us (who shall remain nameless) might have had a slight meltdown in the parking lot on the last day, when the limo company showed up with a vehicle that was too small to transport us) – but, as I look back on the vacation, my memories are only happy; and I’m sure they’ll continue to get even better.
Obviously, the past few days have been a mixture of emotions – anger, guilt, depression, sadness and even some moments of humor. I think each member of my family has felt every raw emotion at some point. I think I’ve struggled, quite a bit, with what to make of this event. The sheer unfairness of her passing has – at times – consumed me; especially since I’m someone who always likes things to make sense. And, for the most part, this simply doesn’t.
Nothing any of us can do can change what has happened; we can only change our future and attempt, in some way, to make changes that honor her memory and her values. For her family and friends, who knew her, it’s important to find ways to ensure her passing was not in vain.
For me, I have no doubt that my family will become closer through these events. We already have.
I will no longer think, “oh, there’s enough time…” It was sobering and saddening to see that we had only ONE photograph of my mom and my son. There was always tomorrow. That can’t be my philosophy anymore.
I have no doubt that her virtues and life lessons prepared me to be a stronger father than I’d ever have been otherwise, even if I didn’t know it at the time.
My goal, each day, is to ensure my son smiles. And each time he does that, I feel confident that I’ve done right by her, and I know somewhere above, she’s approving of kind of father I’m becoming. And, she would certainly say, more than anything else I do in life; never lose sight of the fact that being a father is – absolutely – the most important job I’ll ever hold.
Rest in peace, Mom. You’ve earned it, for all you’ve done for everyone.
At the risk of making this sound like I’m accepting an award (which my wife cautioned me about), I did want to mention a few other things.
I do want to thank my sister Debbie, who completely stepped up and handled the lion’s share of the responsibilities leading up to today – from selecting pictures to making dinner for the entire family each night. I know, as I’ve reflected on things these past few days, that my mom held a special role in this family; one with shoes that are almost certainly too large for anyone to step into. But, if one person has the capacity to do so, it would be Debbie.
And, I do have to thank my wife, who has done even more than her usual 90 percent of the work these past few weeks, to make sure that I can stand here and actually look composed and in control, when nothing could be further from the truth.
Once again, I would like to extend my thanks and deepest appreciation for all who have come this evening. Your support has truly been overwhelming.
At this time, I’d like to invite anyone else who would like to speak and share a memory or story to do so.
I know this will get easier. And, it will get harder. There will be small things that will trigger great outbursts; and years from now, when I'm "introducing" my son to my mom, there will be a cavalcade of emotions all over again. My own regrets will fuel my efforts to show my son how amazing his grandmother truly was. Her beliefs: love your family, advocate for the less fortunate, be frugal; will be passed on to him.
One of my mom's favorite activities was going to garage sales. She'd head out on a Saturday with my sisters and their families and they would hit 20 garage sales. She loved a great deal (even though, there was a better-than-average chance that her purchases would be given to her children as gifts and – eventually – would be sold, again, at her OWN garage sale later on).
In her memory, my wife and I went to three garage sales today. I bought a copy of "Four Christmases." Her favorite holiday (and mine, by far) was Christmas. I hope she smiled.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
What I Should Have Done with My Life
I had an epiphany a few weeks ago, while I was working on a computer problem in my home.
When I finally figured out the problem and solved it, I was awash with a sense of accomplishment -- there was a definitive solution to the issue, and I had discovered it. There was no opportunity for anyone to second-guess or point out a better way or recommend an improvement. Unequivocally, I had diagnosed and solved the issue.
And then I started thinking about my current career as a writer (using the broadest scope of the word, obviously). It's unusual I ever get that same feeling.
To be sure, I suppose I'm "accomplished" in my career -- for a while, I was the youngest editor named to head a magazine at my first company (in the process, revamping the content and helping the magazine go from #4 to #1 in the industry); I launched a start-up magazine into profitability at my second company; and overhauled the production efficiencies at my last publishing company, helping it go from "in the red" to "in the black" for the first time in five years.
I switched to communications and -- in 2008 -- won an award as "Communicator of the Year" from the International Association of Business Communicators. So, I suppose, I'm accomplished in my field.
Yet, it's rare that I ever get that sense of "it's done, and it's spectacular!" Part of this, certainly, is my own quest for greatness -- my personal commitment to doing the best job I can (and, writing or strategizing communications is a fairly subjective task). But even more than that is the presumption by so many others in the workforce that they too are "experts" in communication (even though research and employee surveys scream otherwise). So, it's par for the course for me to be given a tactical task, complete it, and then, submit it to a committee to be picked apart and "improved."
This is not specific to me; far from it -- I've heard communicators bemoan this for years. I guess it's finally just been made clearer to me.
For example, I would never head into the CFO's office and say, "hey, I was thinking of a better way to balance our books this weekend; let me take a crack at it!" Or to HR or IT or Sales - or any other discipline where those who hold those positions have earned their way to that seat. How could I possibly offer suggestions (especially unsolicited ones) in that scenario.
So, at times, I lament my choice of career -- how much easier would my life have been if I had gone into computers, for example -- get a task, create the product; if it works, it works (yeah, there's the 0.5% of the population that will pick apart your code and say how "inelegant" it is -- I'm not counting them). Most people, when they ask IT for a task, and it's delivered to their specifications, simply say "thank you!" and they don't concern themselves with what it took to get there.
Not so, when it comes to writing or communications strategy, I suppose. Although, again, I think this is the fate all communicators are doomed to live with. It just comes with the territory.
When I finally figured out the problem and solved it, I was awash with a sense of accomplishment -- there was a definitive solution to the issue, and I had discovered it. There was no opportunity for anyone to second-guess or point out a better way or recommend an improvement. Unequivocally, I had diagnosed and solved the issue.
And then I started thinking about my current career as a writer (using the broadest scope of the word, obviously). It's unusual I ever get that same feeling.
To be sure, I suppose I'm "accomplished" in my career -- for a while, I was the youngest editor named to head a magazine at my first company (in the process, revamping the content and helping the magazine go from #4 to #1 in the industry); I launched a start-up magazine into profitability at my second company; and overhauled the production efficiencies at my last publishing company, helping it go from "in the red" to "in the black" for the first time in five years.
I switched to communications and -- in 2008 -- won an award as "Communicator of the Year" from the International Association of Business Communicators. So, I suppose, I'm accomplished in my field.
Yet, it's rare that I ever get that sense of "it's done, and it's spectacular!" Part of this, certainly, is my own quest for greatness -- my personal commitment to doing the best job I can (and, writing or strategizing communications is a fairly subjective task). But even more than that is the presumption by so many others in the workforce that they too are "experts" in communication (even though research and employee surveys scream otherwise). So, it's par for the course for me to be given a tactical task, complete it, and then, submit it to a committee to be picked apart and "improved."
This is not specific to me; far from it -- I've heard communicators bemoan this for years. I guess it's finally just been made clearer to me.
For example, I would never head into the CFO's office and say, "hey, I was thinking of a better way to balance our books this weekend; let me take a crack at it!" Or to HR or IT or Sales - or any other discipline where those who hold those positions have earned their way to that seat. How could I possibly offer suggestions (especially unsolicited ones) in that scenario.
So, at times, I lament my choice of career -- how much easier would my life have been if I had gone into computers, for example -- get a task, create the product; if it works, it works (yeah, there's the 0.5% of the population that will pick apart your code and say how "inelegant" it is -- I'm not counting them). Most people, when they ask IT for a task, and it's delivered to their specifications, simply say "thank you!" and they don't concern themselves with what it took to get there.
Not so, when it comes to writing or communications strategy, I suppose. Although, again, I think this is the fate all communicators are doomed to live with. It just comes with the territory.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Rating the 2012 Super Bowl Ads
I’ve always wanted to do a Live Blog for a sporting event; but the timing has never been particularly good. Bill Simmons (who writes for ESPN) does this pretty often; and he’s always spot on with his observations.
I decided for my Super Bowl get-together that I would, in fact, do some blogging on the commercials. A total of five of us assembled to watch the game, the entertainment and the commercials. What follows is a grading of all the commercials (not including network commercials, necessarily), as well as an assortment of miscellaneous comments that were shouted out during the game by the various attendees.
My criteria for rating the commercials are pretty simple. To be successful, the commercial has to either be funny or cathartic/heart-warming (depending on its intent) *AND* the concept has to match the product, on some level (even loosely).
For those who didn’t see the game, you can actually check out the commercials (in basically the same order I’ve reviewed them) at this website.
So, with that, here goes.
The first thing we see is Faith Hill (“she’s ridiculously skinny for someone with three kids”) strutting her stuff to Joan Jett’s “I Hate Myself for Loving You” – once again continuing the NFL’s decade-long effort to stop time (see: The Who, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney). I think I always knew this, but I’ve come to realize that I *hate* when song lyrics are rewritten to fit an event, just so the familiar tune can be played.
It’s not looking good for tonight.
#1: Hyundai Elantra. I like Hyundai. I drive a Hyundai. But, really, if you’re going to be the first commercial after the pre-game show starts, you absolutely have to rock it. Showing a non-sports car driving up and down the road, doesn’t cut it: D
#2: GE: The first of several “GE is more than just a company; there’s real people working here” spots. These are better fits for the State of the Union Address … or the 4th Quarter of a blowout. Not here: F
#3: Kraft (“Boo Kraft” says the General Mills rep. “They’ve done more to promote one product than any other company.”) The commercial is forgettable. Yes, it’s a sassy, precocious young girl; been there, done that: D
#4: We Play For You (The NFL Commercial) – Yes, it’s cute to see NFL players singing “Wind Beneath My Wings.” The whole thing is a little hokey, however. The best part is Jared Allen screaming “Nailed It!” at the end (“He’s such a hick!” says my friend from Minnesota): C
#5: Will Arnett in the first of two Hulu Plus commercials. Once again, the commercial doesn’t do a lot to even explain the product. Arnett is usually funny; this commercial isn’t particularly.: D
#6: Geico A bunch of teenage girls follow a man around while he tries to lose weight. Not particularly funny – although, at least they did tie it back to the product (“there’s an easier way to save”) – even still; will anyone be talking about this a year from now? A month from now?: D
#7: Gilette Fusion ProGlyde Styler, featuring an A-List celeb (Adrien Brody); a B-List celeb (Andre 3000) and someone who’s still trying to make the C-List (Gael Garcia Bernal). Sure – I get it; use this razor, look like the celebs. Absolutely nothing new/amazing here: D
#8: Pizza Hut. Interestingly, this was the submission by the winner of a contest to make a commercial that would be shown at the Super Bowl. I applaud the creativity. If it’s any consolation, he scored about the same as most of the higher-priced Madison Avenue advertising agencies: D
#9: Movie – Safe House. Movies have it tough. If the movie is going to be great, the trailer is great, the commercial is great. There’s no way to do anything than spotlight/preview the movie here. Fortunately, Safe House looks decent: C
We haven’t even gotten to the National Anthem, and already, the commercials are a fairly big disappointment. If this is the BEST; there’s not a lot of hope.
Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton sing “God Bless America” and they sound awful together. Clearly love doesn’t exactly make the joined harmony of their voices sound palatable to anyone. It’s just an odd pairing – perhaps next year they’ll get Geddy Lee and Harry Connick Jr. to pair up.
(At this point, as the camera pans across the Giants, I hear from my right, “How come Tom Coughlin always looks like he’s ready to kick a kitten through a fan?” No one knows … no one knows.)
Kelly Clarkson (or, someone they tell us is Kelly Clarkson) sings the National Anthem. Apparently, in an effort to fit in with the musical acts from the past decade, Clarkson has opted for a wardrobe and appearance that makes her look like she’s in her late 40s.
#10: Movie - The Dictator. Again, I’m not a huge fan of Sacha Baron Cohen. I find a little of his stuff funny; but not everything. This movie looks “wait for video”-ish: D
#11: Droid Razr. I’m a big fan of the Android system. I love my phone. I might even get a Razr. But, when are phone manufacturers (especially smartphone manufacturers) going to realize that there’s more people look for than the color and the thickness?: D
#12: Old Navy. I’ll admit, I thought this commercial was legitimate. I actually raised my rating a little bit when I saw that it was a spoof. The concept of Corporado Wear was hysterical; and I was glad when I saw it was intended as a joke: D-, first/ C+
#13: McDonalds Charities. I don’t know how it could be anything but high-rated. You can’t show a picture of sick children being saved by a charity and expect it not resonate. “I’d just be an evil human to even think about saying anything funny about that commercial.”: B
#14: Another Hyundai spot – another commercial showing a car driving on a road. I get that that’s what cars do; but I don’t know that commercials have to only show that. There’s clearly an opportunity for humor in a commercial (hell, for years, Budweiser was absolutely genius at bringing humor into a product that’s not really known for being “funny.”): D
#15: Hyundai’s “Rocky” spot, where real employees from a Birmingham, Ala. plant try to inspire a designer to “find a way” while humming/singing “Gonna Fly Now.” Yes, it’s one of the best so far – that’s not necessarily good news. Clearly, Hyundai and GE hired the same creative consultant (“Real people – it’ll sell, and you’ll save a ton of money on talent!”): C
FIRST QUARTER
#16: Bud Platinum. This was a great opportunity for Bud – the FIRST commercial after kickoff. Instead, they turned it into a science fair project – worse yet, it doesn’t even appear appetizing (“It looks like a Zima!”): D
#17: Audi pokes fun at the Twilight/Vampire genre, with a ~funny~ (I snickered) spot, where one vampire heading to a party, inadvertently shows up with his headlights still on; and each vampire is vaporized. Too bad they couldn’t get Larry David for the spot (who couldn’t see this on an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm meets Twilight? Was it effective? Somewhat (we’ll remember it) – but, will we remember it for the right reasons? “The entire premise for the car is to promote how bright the headlights are?”: B+
#18: Pepsi’s hyped spot including Elton John and Melanie Amaro, the winner of the X-Factor. The commercial, while glitzy, was completely unremarkable – there was no point to the dialogue/interaction. While it started as a C-, it got bumped to a C+ due to the cameo by Flava Flav at the end.
#19: Hyundai Velostar. This ad got a lot of love, due to the Cheetah; but I thought it was just average. Nothing remarkable. Maybe I was just suffering from automobile advertising saturation: D
#20: Bud Light Platinum – a second opportunity; a second failure. Granted, I’m not the target audience, but if you’re putting out an ad on the world’s largest stage, why would you do anything that wasn’t completely amazing? And, who thought this was?: D
#21: M&Ms Dancing Naked – the first “success” of the game. We were laughing so hard we nearly missed the last punchline. Did it have much to do with M&Ms? No – but personification is always pretty funny. This one gets a thumbs-up: A-
#22: Best Buy. Best Buy sells phones. Great. If you didn’t know this before this commercial – you got something out of it. Otherwise: C+
#23: Coke – the iconic, omnipresent polar bears make their first appearance of the game. Here, one of the bears is keeping his fingers/arms/toes, etc. crossed, hoping his team wins; making it impossible to drink his coke. His partner comes up with a solution. Is it life-changing? No. Is it cute? Yes: B-
#24: Chevy’s Silverado survives the apocalypse (which, surprisingly, isn’t *started* by Barry Manilow; but his song celebrates the survivors – I would’ve gotten that wrong, if there was a bet). It was a cute spot; with some digs towards competitors (“Dave didn’t make it … he drove a Ford): C-
#25: Bridgestone had two sports-related spots (again, these worked decently – good commercials can tangentially relate to the product and still succeed). This was the football one (where the football behaves almost like a frisbee …) Plus, it has Michelle Beadle in it – that automatically qualifies it for a B-
#26: Go Daddy – for years, Go Daddy has tried to push the envelope, alluding to “unrated content” on its website; and steering just clear of the censors. It’s time for something new. These commercials don’t even relate tangentially: D
#27: Lexus – certainly, part of my disinterest is that I’m not the target audience. I don’t view cars as the be-all/end-all of status; nor do I worry about them that much. Their function is to get me from Point A to Point B – and that’s all. But, there has to be more than simply showing a car driving on a road (or, in this case, driving out of a ‘metal shed’ for about 20 feet, before coming to a halt. As much as the Audi commercial may have featured the wrong thing; I’ll still remember it longer: D
#28: Movie – Battleship. If you needed a hint that Hollywood has run out of ideas; look no further than this. We’re making movies based on board games now? (Even more scary – someone just picked up the rights to “Candy Land.” Ugh.: D-
SECOND QUARTER
#29: Budweiser. While it’s not funny, this commercial does tug at the heartstrings a little. It’s not as iconic as the Post-911 commercial (which, to my chagrin, they re-released this past year; it was more meaningful when it really had run *just once.*). But, there’s always something majestic about the Clydesdales: C
#30: Doritos – I’m a fan of dark humor; and this one has it in spades. The look on the dog’s face while he’s bribing the owner, is fantastic. We all laughed heartily (and, this may have been our favorite commercial, collectively): A
#31: The Chevy Happy Grad ad – the ad is fairly cute (and, kudos to a car company for trying something other than “here’s the car driving…”). I don’t know that it will win any awards, and it probably suffered from following the great Doritos commercial: C+
#32: GE Turbine factory – GE continues to showcase its talent in spots that are too slow-moving and lethargic for the Super Bowl. Here, they try to “cool up” their talent, “No, we don’t make the beer; we make the machines that make the beer…” Sadly, this isn’t even the last one of the game: D
#33: Movie – John Carter. Looks interesting and impressive. Maybe one of the better action films I’ve seen a trailer for (by the way – how on earth did “The Hunger Games” not ante up for a spot at the Super Bowl? Big miss…). I’ll see this, and the commercial gets a B+
#34: Tax Act. I get the metaphor (the relief from urinating is akin to getting a nice tax refund … ummm … maybe I don’t). “I’ve gone to the bathroom in five of the places he decided to pass by.” “He’s smiling [at the end, in the pool] but he’s still sitting in a pool in his own pee.”: C+
#35: Movie – The Lorax. The Lorax may be one of my favorite Dr. Seuss books; and I’ve been looking forward to the movie. The trailer didn’t convince me not to see it; but, in all honesty, I don’t know that the trailer would’ve convinced me to see it: C
#36: Finally, a great car commercial. Volkswagen puts out a commercial showing a dog, bummed out by weight; that gets on a program, and drops the pounds. It’s another “classic” from this year’s crop: A-
#37: H&M – I’m pretty sure the advertisers know that most football fans are males. Yes, I know women are the largest growing sector; but that’s probably due to the fact that there’s not as much opportunity to grow the male sector. In any event; there’s probably better visuals for ads than subjecting men to stare at David Beckham’s junk for 30 seconds: D-
#38: Coke – one of the cuter polar bear commercials. He navigates through a host of other bears trying to get a handle on the bottle before he drops it. Good for a smirk; maybe a giggle: B+
#39: Chevy Sonic – the stunt car commercial. I’m reminded when I was in college; I took a summer job selling expensive cutlery/knives. There were a bunch of demos we did as part of the sales process – cut bread super-thin; cut leather; cut a penny in half. But, in the end, my customers would never have the occasion (or reason) to do that; and I made no sales. I’m wondering whom the Chevy people think are going to drop a car from an airplane or do a mid-air flip with their car? Does knowing the car CAN do that really increase sales? I’d almost rather stare at David Beckham’s junk: D-
#40: Movie - Star Wars 3D – The movies were iconic; this trailer doesn’t do anything to improve upon that. Therefore, it effectively fails: D
#41: Movie – The Avengers. While I worry that we may be reaching saturation with the number of superhero movies; this one looks pretty damned cool. I like many of the characters here. One can only hope the movie delivers on the promise of the trailer: C+
#42: Teleflora – the anti-Beckham ad. Show a lingerie model for 30 seconds. Instant win: B+
#43: Pugs are cute. Pugs outracing a pack of greyhounds and whippets is pretty cool. A pug that celebrates by moonwalking over the finish line is memorable. Skechers hits a ground-rule double here (see how I mix the metaphors; using a baseball metaphor to describe an ad at a football game?): B-
#44: Cars.com – the customer has a ‘head’ pop out of his neck; his “confidence” – definitely more creepy than cute or effective. But, it’s memorable (even if I can’t remember the song; I may just remember, “hey, which company thought it was a good idea to put out an ad showing a second head? Oh, that’s right – cars.com” – if that’s what they were going for; they nailed it. Somehow, I don’t think so: C-
#45: The second Doritos ad, and they’re two for two. This one shows the bratty kid showing off to his grandmother and sibling, how he has the Doritos, and they don’t. She sets up a slingshot and sends the infant sibling hurtling towards the bratty kid to grab the bag. Obvious and there’s no surprise; but it’s still cute: B+
#46: Yeah, the E*Trade baby is old (almost approaching the “Wazzzzup” from Budweiser a few years back); but at least they always find something fresh to add in. Here, while the “speed-dating” remark had very little to do with investments (unlike previous punchlines); it’s still successful (and, let’s face it – they’re happy with people remembering nothing more than “hey, we’re the company with a talking baby!”): B+
#47: Movie – GI Joe. Does Hollywood have any original ideas anymore? Could there be a movie that is generated from nothing more than a screenwriter’s imagination; and not leveraged against cartoons, characters or board games?: C-
#48: NFL: Play like a Millionaire. Sometimes, sports leagues come up with awesome campaigns (The NBA … it’s FANtastic!). Sometimes, they put out stuff like this: D-
#49: We see the first of our Ford/Mustang commercials (“Ooh, wow, a car driving along the road; awesome!”) and – at the end, the window rolls down and a too-cool Derek Jeter is driving. That’s all he does. I *despise* commercials that are nothing more than a celebrity making a cameo, for no reason other than they’re celebrities. This one gets: F
#51: Another Hulu Plus ad with Will Arnett; another ad that I basically turned off after a few seconds. This did not impress me, again. Not funny; not memorable; not effective. If I didn’t know what Hulu was, this didn’t enlighten me: C-
HALFTIME
#52: LMFAO head to the Halftime bar to play halftime at the Super Bowl in this Bud Light commercial. It’s kind of a riff on the scene from The Blues Brothers when they show up at the bar (“We have both kinds of music here – country AND western!”): C-
Madonna performs at halftime, and there’s been a lot written about that performance – from her lipsynching; to the rapper that flipped the bird and cursed, to the ‘tightrope/slackrope walker” that basically looks as though Richard Simmons and Will Ferrell had a love child:
#53: The Voice – I know I said I wouldn’t review network commercials; but this was a little more than a network commercial. It had a great premise (the life-like comic strip); Adam Levine gets punched in the face; and Betty White appears. Betty White is in better shape at 90 than I am: B-
#54: Chrysler’s now famous Clint Eastwood commercial. Yes, it’s inspirational; and it was a great time for it (it HAD to happen at halftime; anywhere else, and it would’ve been glossed over). “I feel like invading a country right now!”: B+
THIRD QUARTER
#55: BMW shows off a new feature (heated steering wheel) and all the passengers huddle around the driver. In what’s becoming a common thread, the commercial is cute, smirky, but not amazing: C+
#56: Drew Brees’ kid kicks a football through a window, and he uses his Chase online banking to pay the victim immediately. “Drew Brees doesn’t live in any house that close to the street; maybe his servants may live there; but he doesn’t.”: C
#57: Another Derek Jeter/Ford commercial. Why do we care?: D-
#58: Fiat Avalon – yeah, it’s cute – a hot woman; and the joke at the end is okay, but maybe we’re getting desensitized. It’s not really all that amazing of a commercial; but, it’s still better than the Hyundai commercials (there’s been a LOT of car commercials this year, right?): C
#59: The Coke Zero driver is the winner of a Pepsi Max contest and he’s embarrassed. This is still the runoff from the first commercial a few years ago, when the Coke and Pepsi driver meet in the bar, form a friendship, then fight. It’s my favorite soft drink (Pepsi Max) – but, I think they need a new concept: C-
#60: The Toyota Camry shows how things are being “reinvented” – by the way, if I can put in a request for the fat-shedding rain, I’d be delighted. It’s cute and it’s definitely not the “car on the road” that has become standards. It’s not amazing though, and I wonder whether anyone will remember to tie “Toyota” to the various innovations/fantasies they show here: C-
#61: The final Coke commercial with the polar bears. The one polar bear sneaks out to get a coke, but there’s none left. This is the weakest of the commercials – last year (or the year before), Coke had some amazingly innovative commercials. I could go with one, maybe two polar bear commercials; but they needed something else to mix it up: C
#62: John Stamos gets head butted. That makes the Oikos yogurt commercial worth it. Definitely a hit, and one that will be memorable: A-
#63: Century 21 uses Deion Sanders, Donald Trump and Apollo Ohno in a commercial. I’ve already covered how I feel about celebrities in commercials with no real relation to the product: D
#64: The Seinfeld Acura ad (arguably the second-most hyped ad before the actual game). Definitely a good commercial – 10 years ago, we would be raving about it; but now, commercials need to be more than “good.” I would’ve liked to have seen some more “Seinfeld” references, but that may have been expecting too much: B+
#64: GE puts out another human-interest commercial. One of the voices says they were happy to be working for GE, after they had been laid off by their previous company. “Yes, I’m thankful to have the chance to do monotonous grunt work all day” says one of my guests. In related news, we’re all going straight to hell: D
#65: Budweiser creates a “history of music” commercial, using The Cult’s “She Sells Sanctuary” and setting it to an assortment of tempos and genres. Dancers interpret the song, and it’s a good, enjoyable commercial – not sure what it has to do with beer, though: C
#66: Bridgestone’s second commercial is the “quiet” basketball. Michelle Beadle is in this one too (along with a few other athletes, including Steve Nash). The relate the ad back to the product (even loosely), and, although it’ll not be remembered forever (like the great ads), it’s still solid (and helped by the lack of any other tire-company ads): B-
#67: Here, we have a commercial from a sports league done right. The “evolution” of the NFL is a great commercial; heartwarming, inspiring, and a treat for fans. This is the kind of commercial that makes new fans – the stories and legends and history of a sport can be powerful, emotional triggers: A-
#68: Ricky Gervais and a few other celebrities endorse Time Warner Cable in a fairly entertaining spot. Yes, this is celebs again; but Ricky is doing more than simply showing up, flashing his face and getting paid: C
#69: And, here’s my pal Derek Jeter, again, in the same Ford/Mustang commercial. The rating hasn’t changed: F
FOURTH QUARTER
#70: Easily the most hyped ad before the Super Bowl (and, frustratingly, the poster child for the argument of whether ads should be released before the game). Matthew Broderick/Ferris Bueller’s character tools around town all day in a Honda CR-V, while he skips work. The commercial pays homage to the movie and contains a plethora of ‘easter eggs’ (many other blogs have dissected just this one commercial): A
#71: Movie - Art of Valor. It’s real people – that’s pretty cool; but the trailer isn’t very engaging or interesting: C
#72: Met Life puts out a commercial that rounds up all the cartoon characters they have as mascots or are affiliated with Met Life in any way (beyond just Snoopy). I find myself wondering why: C-
#73: Hyundai puts out a funny commercial (At last!) Clearly, everyone was waiting for the end of the game (and, thankfully, it was a close one, for the advertisers’ sakes) to put out their star commercials. This one shows the driver using the speed up/brake/speed up/brake technique as a form of CPR to revive his passenger (in a funny manner – not intended to be serious or traumatic): B
#74: The Budweiser rescue dog – WeGo, a dog rescued from a shelter that can retriever Budweiser on command. The dog is put in several hysterical positions during the commercial; and, at the end, Budweiser touts its commitment to rescuing dogs. Fantastic execution. “First it entertained; then it endeared!”: A
#75: Motley Crue shows up in a Kia ad that starts when “Mr Sandman” accidentally trips and basically puts his target into a sleep coma. It’s hard to find fault in a commercial that understands its viewing audience: B+
#76: CareerBuilder continues using the Monkeys, and they’re always funny (and, much like the Gecko for Geico, they’ve become synonymous – it doesn’t matter whether they relate to the product; the branding has been so successful that they ARE the product now): A-
#77: Samsung Galaxy. I know this commercial has gotten ridiculed; but it does two great things: Makes fun of Apple (always worth a few points) and gets recording artist The Darkness into the commercial. The song – I Believe in a Thing Called Love – is one of my favorite ‘rock’ songs from the past few years (I even downloaded it for Rock Band as soon as it came out): A
#78: Cadillac makes an appearance and brings an end to the innovative car commercials – it’s another commercial of a car on a road – big deal. Still, I can’t complain. The fourth quarter has been the best so far, and we just had a run of FIVE STRAIGHT good to awesome commercials: D
#79: The last commercial of the Super Bowl proper is yet another Go Daddy ad. This one, touting the Internet Cloud. Again, the schtick has gotten old. Go Daddy’s ads, once controversial and intriguing, now just look tired and desperate. It’s time to reinvent: C-
For those of you keeping score at home, the average of these 79 commercials is exactly a “C” (which is as it should be). I didn’t actually track the scores during the game (I rated each one on the spot; but I didn’t track the scores to ensure the average would be the average). To me, the fact that average is a C just proves the validity of the ratings.
What commercials did you enjoy? Which did you hate?
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