The Bittersweetness of Christmas (for me)

Nine years ago, I wrote a post on a message board about my gaming habits. Each year, at the end of the year, I remember writing it and I go back to the post and re-read it to see if anything has changed.

Admittedly, I wrote it on New Years Eve. I was in a different place in my life -- early 30s, about a year removed from the 9/11 tragedy, and I had just come to the decision that my "plan" to become a teacher would not be possible. I'd suffered through a horrendous student teaching experience, and I was ready to re-enter the workforce (although, that wouldn't happen for another 11 long months).

So, first -- here's the original post:
 

I'm sitting here, going through old Abandon-Ware sites, finding vintage Commodore64 games that I can run on an emulator on the PC.

Had to run downstairs to get an old Avalon Hill catalog, because - growing up, there were SOOOO many games I wanted. Started looking through it...wow...have I grown up.

I can remember being 14...15, maybe...seeing "Pennant Race" - and "Baseball Strategy"..."Statis-Pro Football"...I remember getting ALL the games one Christmas, and just sitting there. I remember going through Street and Smiths and tearing out that amber-yellow page, which had the ad for Ultimate College Basketball...and spending what seemed like a FORTUNE at that time...

Now...hell...I have more games than I know what to do with. I have - damn...probably close to 300 different sports games...another 250-300 family and war and role-playing games. 150 PC games (with even more downloading...)

I'm ONLY 33...Was it REALLY 20 years ago that I was so wide-eyed at all that these games offered? Now, it's like an addiction -- I buy, trade, plan, plot - all types of projects, and yet, I no longer can just sit down and play ONE Title Bout fight...hell, I actually played a whole 82 game SEASON of Slapshot (and for those of you who know the game...ha ha...yes, it was a VERY silly project)...But now...wow...

So...as another year comes to an end, I find myself wondering/hoping that, at some point, I'll regain that child-like enthusiasm; instead of these games hanging like some Sword of Damocles over my head, can I ever just, simply, remember how it felt the first time I got a new game? How I looked at EACH and EVERY player card, in detail? How fascinated I was by all the rules and dice and cards and charts?

Gosh...I sure hope so...

I remember that Christmas I'm referring to. I was about 13 or 14, and I was the kind of kid that *never* went looking for Christmas gifts. This year, however, I was determined to find out that I was getting what I'd asked for. I hunted and finally found the gifts, and was ecstatic. That Christmas Day, I was in Heaven -- I played a College Basketball game, had a great boxing match. It was, possibly, the purest joy I'd felt.

Now, years later, I "collect" -- I still play; but even a new game doesn't have that feeling of "Oh My God" that I had when I was a child. My collection has grown to an unwieldy 1500 games.

This point was driven home to me when I went downstairs to organize some things, and realized, I've run out of room. And, the bittersweetness of the situation is that -- as I face mortality -- I have to accept that I'll *never* be able to play everything that I wanted.

Part of my 'goals' each year is to move from "planning to get things done" to "getting things done." For a few years now, I've had a never-ending list of things to accomplish. But, now with Nicolo in the picture, my free time is sure to wane. It's now or never to get things finished.

My first 'big" project I'll undertake will be a large inventory of my collection, with the goal of reducing it, significantly. I've done a little so far; I need to do much more. As I've said before, there'll never be a time where I'm going to say, "I feel like playing a [type of] game -- I wonder what the 27th best one I have is?" There's no need for that much.

Next year marks the 10 year anniversary for that post, and I'd really like to see a difference. I know there will be a difference on one end -- Nicolo in my life will help me rediscover the fascination of Christmas, etc.; and that can only be a good thing.